This might not be a place to admit it, but I don’t like the dating formula.  This is how the equation works, you’re asked “out,” you dress up, so does your date, neither one of you is yourself for the remainder of the night and the date is so distracting that you cannot have fun at whatever you’re doing.   You both spend the entire evening acting out a scene that - if it were in a movie or  a television show - is so ‘formulaic’ you would never watch in real life.

I much prefer to have dates that fall outside that formula.  Best dates ever - “hey, there’s this volunteer thing going on…”  Or, “I have a thing I need to go to for my job…”  My personal best date ever was, “Hey, I’ve got to drive to Nashville to pick up a regulator for my SCUBA tank, want to come?”  The good thing about these dates is that the other person enjoyed my presence and it helped us both enjoy everything more.

This type of dating may end in disaster, thus be cautious when agreeing.  For the best time, you want to be in the company of someone who makes every activity more fun.  These are great “turn a friend into something else” opportunities.  But, there is nothing more romantic than being out at some event - like a volunteer opportunity - and having the guy who’s interested in you getting you coffee, checking in how you’re doing, etc.  If they make it obvious that the two of you are there “together” it’s a fantastic feeling, much more romantic than flowers and candy and a trip to an Opera you didn’t have any interest in any way.

A great thing regarding this type of dating is that each of you have another thing to do with yourselves.  You have time to be together as well as to enjoy that before all the pressure of “tell me about yourself.”  Of course, if the date goes well, you can always take a well-needed stop at a coffee shop afterward to learn about each other.

These after-event debriefing coffees can also help you cut through the pattern that can sound the same after dating many different people.  You will have both shared the same experience.  Talking through it - what you each found funny or irritating or inspiring. This will definitely give you some idea about whether or not you share a similar view onto the world.

It is also really helpful to pass this preference along to friends who attempt to set you up.  This works as a pre screener.   If you like environmental organizations and the “set up” date won’t meet you at an Earth Day volunteer booth”you may already have all the information you required without having to suffer through a date.

And, at the end, I enjoy having memories which aren’t from a jewelry advertisement or a card.  I am me, and I want my love life to be unique - not a cookie-cutter version of what everyone else thinks the dating formula should add up to.

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