Does it seem like relationships and cheating go to together like peanut butter and jam? It can start to when everyone you know has had someone cheat on them. And chances are that someone has cheated on you. Or when it comes to relationships and cheating, you were the person cheating.

Cheating hurts everyone involved. It hurts the one who’s being cheated on, and it hurts the cheater. The cheater has to hide what he’s doing, probably has to lie to keep it a secret and has to feel the guilt that goes with it.

Even if he or she doesn’t look guilty, they probably secretly feel guilty. When there is a relationship and cheating occurs, that doesn’t mean the end of the relationship every time.

You’ve been in a relationship and you’ve been cheated on, and you’ve gotten back together or you never broke up. Can you really make it work now that the other person has cheated? How do you let it go? Will they cheat again?

It’s not easy to save these relationships because cheating is something that can happen more than once. But if you can rebuild trust in the other person, then maybe you can stay together and be happy.

Do you know why they cheated on you? That’s a very important consideration in whether you’ll be able to trust them not to do it again. Were things not good in your relationship at the time, or was it just convenient and just “happened?” You should be able to have a calm discussion about these reasons.

If the reason turns out to be something like they were simply bored that day and the opportunity came along, then you may have a problem. If the other person can give no better reasons for hurting you that way, you may want to consider whether you really can forgive them to be happy. It won’t be easy.

If you were having problems, then at least the other person may have thought that the relationship was going to end anyway. They might have felt ignored or unimportant. This is not to give them a good excuse for cheating—they were wrong. But it can help you understand what they were thinking at the time and you can work on the problems together.

Cheating and affairs are a curious mixture, with some couples able to move on quite well after the devastation of an affair. Sometimes, though, the person who was cheating on can’t get over it. To stay in the relationship when there’s no trust, and you fear that they will cheat at any time, can be a terrible feeling.

The constant suspicion can make you miserable, and can make the other person feel like they are being watched 24/7. You have to decide to trust them not to hurt you again, and let go of the fear even though it can be very hard to do in these situations.

If you need help to rebuild your relationship, be sure to check out this highly acclaimed system for Making Up with your partner.