There are a lot of arguments for dating. You can date for fun, for entertainment, for companionship, for sex, or like a large majority of the people out there, to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.  This honorable and annoying labour of love is what we have decided to call relationship dating.

Although we separated dating into various categories based on our motivations, don’t be fooled, they can all really be traced back to finding fulfillment and meaning in our interactions with another human being.  Below I will give you some examples of what I mean:

So let’s date for fun!?

Dating for fun…or sex…is a quest for significance and contentment.  Yes, you did read correctly, let me get in to it.  Dating is full of frustration, tension, subliminal messages, attack and parry.  For most of us this hardly sounds like much fun.  There are a lot of guys and gals out there who find the game exhilarating.  It is their equivalent of extreme sports!  But… why is dating so thrilling for them?  The answer is validation.  It is the same reason people go bungi jumping and love horror movies.

In this validation people find fulfillment and meaning…but I digress…

For the rest of us that find dating akin to a proctologist appointment, and in the spirit of keeping things simple, here are some snippets of popular wisdom which should help us take a step back and see the big picture when we think: “What the hell am I doing?!”

Don’t pretend:  Some people feel that the only way to find your significant other is to join the club scene, go bar hopping and overindulge on martinis.  If living that life is not YOU, then why sign on?  Unless you want to find people who have little in common with you this seems a low success rate proposition.

Do more of what you like, be more of what you are.  Share yourself.  If you like cooking, join a cooking class, offer dinner parties for your friends and their acquaintances, give the restaurant chef unsolicited advice.

  The concepte here is to search for ways to make your sphere of experience wider and at the same time do stuff that you really like.  At these times you will really be yourself, and you will be displaying all that you can be.

Look deep: Another thing that generally happens when dating is that we give the physical appearance of our dates incredibly high importance.  There is no doubt that guys do this.  Although it is less notable in women, it happens just the same.

Obviously there must be an attraction for a relationship to develop, but you might find that the initial attraction has many more components than just physical appearance.  Like anything else, appearances fade.

People change, they might gain weight, lose their hair, loose muscle tone, their tan will fade, just like you and me; they are real people in the flow of life, not a snapshot in time.  You want to search for other things that will have a bigger impact on the favorable outcome of a long term relationship.

Perfect is just a word: One way in which we sometimes sabotage our own efforts is by giving that little thing that bothers us about our potential mate so much importance, that we kill the whole endeavor.  Nobody is perfect, we all get indigestion, we all get blackheads, we all suffer body odor when sweaty, we all get touchy on occasion.  So…look at the big picture.

Be there: To use a very common sports analogy, to win the game you have to play.  If you go straight from work to home to sitting on the couch and watching the latest TV series to bed, and back to work again the next morning you are definitely less likely to meet someone…anyone!

Get yourself out there… take that last minute invite, actually pick up the phone and dial up that friend you said you would call three weeks ago…

Go ahead and DO!   If you get it wrong, dont worry; just forget about it and get out there DOING again…

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