It’s truly amazing the number of legitimized dating sites that are online that cater to not just singles, but married people looking for affairs. That’s right, married dating! Flings are nothing new, of course. Affairs have been happening for as long as cave dwellers have been choosing mates. But this well… let me go further.

What is most surprising is the number of “so-called” respected dating services that do encourage men and women to have affairs

Many of these dating services have gotten exposure from shows like “Dr. Phil”, “Today”, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”, etc. This does bring up a point that should be considered. Only because a website gets mentioned widely in mainstream media does not necessaily mean that the message is a wholesome one.

Overall, most marriage counselors and relationship experts would agree whole heartedly that monogamous relationships are not just healthy for us, but also seem to be in our nature. Our marriages thrive in harmony. Intimacy and loving understanding can only exist in sincere effort.

When we fall in love with that special person and the feelings are reciprocated, this is no accident; this seems to be a part of the overall human design. This is what real responsibility and wholesome family values are made of.

But in today’s world, there is a lot of added pressure, stress and confusion heaped upon us. The family unity, along with our inner values, can get lost in a lot of mixed signals. The media is only one example where many of us have gotten lost. When the media becomes the message, then quite often, we will see double standards being applied. When we see people we admire in the news having extra-marital affairs, this can be confusing.

Marriage dating is like walking the razor’s edge, playing with fire, pick your metaphor for dangerous. This simply is a fact. Men and women will usually begin looking around for different reasons, but the effects are generally the same. Profound hurt over betrayal, trust is compromised and often, the marriage will not survive taking extra-marital hits. Most experts concur: Even married dating under the “open marriage” rule, in time, will undermine the larger bond and commitment between husband and wife.

When you recognize that the online dating machine is a multi-million dollar enterprise, it is easier to read between the lines. Many of these services are telling you that married dating is Ok to practice. This comes from a financial agenda and nothing else. The competition is very tight for new customers. When married dating is part of the offering, this opens the doors to a whole new market segment for the online dating services, aside from the “singles” market.

Many of us fantasize and dream about the “what ifs” that we don’t have in our lives. Living out our lives through the eyes of others can, on occasion, even be a good thing.

Married dating will always present a picture of the grass being greener on the other side. But this is rarely the case when acted upon.

It is true, as time moves forward, that more couples than ever before are ending their marriages in divorce. But there are also more people on the planet than ever before getting married. The number one reason that marriages end in divorce is disenchantment with the relationship. Marriage, like any other relationship, takes work and commitment. When people start taking their marriages for granted, frequently they don´t know why they are feeling antsy and having second thoughts.

The online websites that promote married dating seem so tempting because they offer the anonymity of cyberspace. Discretion is one of the first key triggers they can offer you. If no one knows who you really are, you can become someone else. After all, there are countless other people who are having “adventures” through these dating websites.

Consider that the nagging desire to have an extramarital affair is almost always associated with something more profound and deeper that is not being taken care of in the relationship. Doing the work of going through the real issues together with your partner will surely strengthen the connection between you.

Everyone needs help at one time or another. If the troubles in the relationship seem to heavy to tackle alone, consider consulting a pofessional counselor. Marriage counselors and relationship advisors are trained to manage problems in marriage that are not easy to solve.

The bottom line is that most of us have tons of time and emotional energy invested in our marriages. Frequently, the children, the impact on their lives and the consequences of our actions on their future need to be taken into consideration. All of your alternatives should be explored before coming to the conclusion that a solution can only be achieved through separation or divorce.

You really need to be sure that you did absolutely all that could have been done to solve things. If you don´t, it will come back and bite you in the future.

Married dating will never make a marriage stronger. At best, it may look tantalizing from the outside, but in practice will only cause guilt, pain, shame and distrust. In a short word…DON’T.

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