Do you have the feeling that everyday conflicts are becoming harder to tolerate?

Do you perceive such situations as a battle where you need to defeat the other?

Let’s discuss how to manage interpersonal conflicts to avoid the “winner” “looser” idea in a situation…

There may be some reasons that justifies the idea of “winning” over an argument, instead of looking a an issue to be resolved together.

Most of the time it’s just because you have the idea that you fight for a scarce resource; and this forces you to “to win” no matter the costs.

But In order to play this type of conflict you need an “other;” someone or something to act as our opponent or obstacle, the bad one..

The battle scenario would look like this:

  1. The bad one is competing with you for a scare resource.
  2. As result of this situation only one of you can be a winner:
  3. If you attack first, he will counter attack..
  4. If he move first, you will feel compelled to react and ‘defend’ your self.
  5. Whatever course of action, the only possible issue will be escalating the dispute.

Things to note here:

  • Even if you want to avoid the conflict, inaction will create the conditions for the other to do the first move forcing you to react.
  • Unless you step back and find another way, there can not be a real winner. 
    Even if you win over the resources, the price to pay is undermining your relationship.
  • If you too afraid to take action and radically change the way you approach this confrontations, the only option left is to fight.
  • This over time will result to unresolved and escalated confrontation that ends up with both sides isolated and moving in different directions.
  • Failed communication leads to more isolation, pain, and anger.

If you follow this model to the end, sooner or later you will destroy your relationship.

What do you really need to change this pattern?

Remember the real “relationship” lies beneath. It is alive and well and full of love.

Just don’t make this small ‘negotiation’ compromise your relationship.

Managing conflicts through positive techniques can help you learn more ways to resolve conflicts.

Neil Warner

PS: Need Results fast? get your Freen copy of “The Art of Positive Conflicts: Transforming Confrontations into Relationship Harmony,”