Of all the causes of marital discord and breakdown, perhaps infidelity is the most painful. Infidelity is the breaking of the most sacred of all vows, the marriage vows.

To find some of the sources of that pain, here is a case study of Sue A. And Joe R. As they work on their emotional infidelity struggles.

Joe and Sue grew up next door to one another in the suburbs. In high school they began to date and midway through college Joe ask Sue to marry him. To this union were born three children, two boys and a girl.

There were some money problems as the children grew up and Joe said he could work late to help bring more money home. The money problems did not seem to improve even though Joe was rarely home. When Sue brought this up, Joe became very angry and left the house. He did not answer phone calls for several days.

A week later, he called Sue to try to make amends. During their conversation, he tells Sue that he has been unfaithful. Both partners are willing to try counseling to see if things can be made better.

The heartbreak for Sue is great and forgiveness seems far off. Her husband she has known since she was three has been her betrayer. This was something of which she would have never dreamed. He knew more about her than she felt she knew herself. The hurt was immeasurable.

We all want a story to end happily ever after, but many times stories such as these do not have happy endings. Many times the hurt is so deep and the mistrust is so instilled that marriages are broken and end in divorce.

Even if things work out, the mistrust will work their way to the surface again and again. One missed appointment can rapidly bring up old feelings. Joe also has changed. He may no longer be as willing to stick through the tough times that happen in any marriage.

Somewhere along the way, friends and families may find out what has happened. They too may feel the hurt and friendships may even be broken.

If the experience ends in divorce, the children find themselves pulled between each parent. Sometimes one or the other parent moves to a distant location and children only have opportunity to vision during summers or school breaks. Although parents are warned not to divorce their kids, kids feel abandonment. The pain of infidelity continues to grow.

The pain continues. Even if Sue finds someone else with whom to spend the rest of her life, Joe’s infidelity in marriage can continue to haunt the new relationship. She may fear sharing feelings since her trust was broken earlier.

Joe finds that his income, which was already being stretched thin, is now being split between his new household and that of his former family. He is paying an expensive price for his marital infidelity. He also finds that he has difficulty with trust. It is not that he cannot trust others. Joe has difficulty trusting himself.

No matter how tempting infidelity may be, ask yourself if you are willing to pay the pain price after surviving infidelity. Just remember we’re talking about marital infidelity.