homes Gloria recently discovered that her husband of 31 years had been in an affair for a number of years. She felt betrayed, angry, and very scared. The most puzzling thing for her was that her husband was begging her not to end the marriage. Here are 5 myths to be aware of if you are person who has been betrayed.

If only you had “done this or that” the affair would not have happened

It is a typical initial reaction to put the blame for the affair on the other spouse. Keep in mind that the reasons your spouse got into an affair have to do with your spouse and not with you. There are many other ways that unhappiness in a marriage could have been addressed.

juegos carreras The majority of extramarital affairs begin as “just friends.” While it is certainly true that there are affairs that begin with impulsive one-night stands with a stranger, the most common ones that I see begin as “just friends.” In fact, if you find yourself thinking or saying “but we are just friends” you are probably already in trouble.

Gary Rosberg of America’s Family Coaches states that there are at least 19 stages a person will pass through on the way to physically consummating an extramarital affair. There are at least two important notions that we can lift from Rosberg’s statement:

1) At each and every one of the 19 steps, you have a clear choice between going further down or stopping the process. In other words, these things don’t “just happen.”

2) An affair - by the way, I hate that term!

It makes it sound like it is this wonderful experience with no consequences … as in “It was a grand affair.” In my marital counseling and relationship coaching experience, adultery breaks up marriages, wrecks families and crushes kids.

Anyway, now that my rant is over, an affair becomes adultery long before the physical act. In fact, emotional affairs can be stronger and more difficult to get out of than physical affairs.

real estate investing the affair is over

Only time will tell if the affair is over. Often it takes a while to truly end the affair because of “not wanting to hurt” the affair partner or the affair partner may not want the affair to end. Leave the ending of the affair for your spouse to work out. It is not your job to be the detective.

Affairs are a jolt to a marriage. There generally have been cover-ups, deceitfulness, and lies before the couple starts dealing with the trauma of the affair. The task ahead for these married singles is to decide what they want to do about their marriage.

Everything is fine because I have ended the affair.

Unfortunately it is not so simple. For most couples it takes some real work to learn to re-connect with each other in a caring and loving way. Frequently marriage counseling may be necessary in order to learn new communication skills and ways to emotionally connect with each other.

Couples who desire to stay together can get through an affair if they genuinely want to re-connect with each other. It will take time and a willingness to put effort into rekindling their love You can be published without charge. You can to republish this article in your website or blog. Please provide links Active.