marriage advice

Many people believe that trust, once broken, can take a long time to rebuild, if it can even be done.  However, there are some specific things you can do to rebuild trust after wronging your mate in a relationship.  You can learn more about getting back together here.

The first step is to flat out accept blame.  You don’t give lame excuses, you don’t argue or defend or explain that it didn’t really mean anything.  You admit, for example, that you messed up and in this way:  I cheated on you.  This is crucial.  When we’ve been wronged one of the things we want to understand is that our mate knows they did wrong.  Do they understand that or do they somehow think what they did is not that big of a problem.  This first step handles this for your mate, it clarifies that you aren’t going to b.s. them and will take responsibility.

This is a remarkable way to start restoring trust!  Instead of the usual defending and excuses when there is a problem in the relationship, we own up to what we did.  This is a powerful way to begin rebuilding trust, if you are sincere.

The second step builds on this.  You then say something like “I know I hurt you, and here is the hurt I think I caused you.”  You can learn more Get Ex Back specifics here.

Look, your ex is hurting!  They may be furious with you, or they may feel sad and broken hearted.  They are in emotional pain.  So you fess up to that to, since you caused all the pain they’re feeling.  Hey, not only did I cheat on you, but I caused you pain.  I hurt you deeply, I made you feel worthless, like I didn’t appreciate and respect you.  I know I broke your heart.

Remarkable!  Your partner has probably never heard anything like this from you before.  You aren’t trying to explain yourself, you are owning that you not only did the deed but caused emotional damage to them by doing it.  Wow!

You’ve got to describe the pain some, using the best words you can.  This is exactly what Emotional Logic sounds like.  At this point, you want to make sure your ex feels like you understand him/her.  You cant skip this step, even if you are a man and, like many men, aren’t comfortable talking about emotions.  For the skill to work, your ex has to feel like you really understand the pain you caused by what you did.

Most apologies don’t work because they miss these two steps.  Accept blame for what you did and let your mate know you understand the emotional pain you caused.  When you do this, your apology is much more effective towards rebuilding trust.  There are more steps to it, but these first two can take you a long way.  Go here for a free course on How To Get Relationship Help.