Many of us have considered whether we would absolutely leave our love relationship in light of an affair. Cut and dry consequences can make the rules and consequences within a relationship very easy. At other times they can actually make things very complicated. An affair is not only destructive to the relationship, but it can be destructive to the partner that has remained faithful. Going through all of the potential solutions can be maddening. Don’t rush, but know that you have choices that are your own.

You know who she is. She’s the one with the office fashion jewelry that looks as stunning as she does. She is the one that flirts with everyone, regardless of their gender or age, and has the reputation that she got her position through these heavy flirtations, and possibly more. Your partner has become enchanted by her, and you’re stuck at home trying to figure it all out.

Depression is easy to slip into when you find out your partner is having an affair. An extreme depression can mean that you simply stop trying to attract positive attention from your cheating partner. Things like doing your hair, taking the time to apply make up, winter time dry skin care, facial care, and even keeping up with the laundry can be overwhelming. It can seem like putting any effort forward can be considered a huge waste of time.

Of course the kids are confused. They seem to be down to one parent. The baby has no bond with his second parent. You take care of the kids, from bath time to bed time to everything in between. With the double electric breast pump sitting off to the side, you’re reminded that you had intended on sharing as much of the nursing experience as possible with your partner. But that is no more.

Fear is a pretty big obstacle when making a real decision about what to do. Leaving might be a reasonable option. Trying to regain your partner’s attention might be a reasonable option. You vacillate back and forth trying to come up with the best approach only to find that you are just frustrated, hurt, and scared. It’s unsettling to have no idea where your future might end up.

Many couples determine early in their relationship that there are rules that are just unbreakable. For many, cheating is an automatic dismissal of the relationship. These hard and fast rules can create complicated situations, and therefore you might find that you need to seriously consider what is really best. Fear of being by yourself, of striking out into the world as a single parent, can be overwhelming. An affair literally can feel as though someone took away your sense of choice, not to mention your sense of security and safety.

Only you can ultimately decide what you’re comfortable with. Sometimes the financial security of staying together is strong enough to overlook an affair. Sometimes you need to set limits and boundaries so that you feel healthy. Choosing your next step is not easy, but it is one that you can take with confidence. It is your choice, and that is one thing that an affair can’t take away from you.